The opening scene is your first and best chance to make an impression. When we were working on our screenplays in class, we wrote and rewrote our opening scenes multiple times in order to make sure we had it as perfect as possible, at least for us. The opening scene is where audiences are introduced to your world and the tone you’ve set, and you want to make sure it’s something that hooks audiences in for the rest of the movie. In screenwriting, you’ll typically count one page of screenplay as one minute of your movie. So on average, your full screenplay should aim to be about 120 pages. In these first four minutes, we are introduced to the harsh world that is The Wretched.
“Two moons present.” It seems to be a sci-fi staple for a lot of alien planets to have a more cluttered atmosphere than Earth, but I was definitely referencing Luke Skywalker’s homeworld of Tatooine here.
I didn’t grow up watching Westerns, but when we watched John Wayne’s The Searchers in film class the year earlier before this, it had a big impact on me. If you haven’t seen it, it’s considered one of the last original Westerns. Directed by the legendary John Ford in 1956, the story follows a middle-aged Southern Civil War vet who travels across the plains for years in search of his abducted niece. It’s a classic, not just in storytelling, but film production as well. I highly recommend it if you haven’t seen it, but this new interest in Westerns sparked a large part of the imagination for The Wretched. You can tell that by a carriage, not motor vehicle, riding through this canyon.
A little subtle detail, but I made it a point that the mother was driving this carriage, not the father. Kind of cool reversing the gender roles here. Some foreshadowing for later when we meet more badass female characters.
Hravis are the draught horse-like creatures of this planet. I didn’t bother too much in explaining what they looked like in the original screenplay, I’d leave that more to an artist to draw up, but I imagine they aren’t too different than horses for the most part. Just a little larger, maybe shaped a little more creature/alien-like than a normal horse, but they definitely have an uglier face. Friendly though.
Whenever something is capitalized in a screenplay, it’s to mark the introduction of a new character, place, or something important to the story.
I don’t necessarily know what an uali bear looks like either, but it sounds pretty damn cute to me. I imagined my sister’s first and favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Snuggles, when I was writing this.
The puppy dog look that the daughter has, and the dad’s reaction to seeing it, is my attempt at trying to build a sense of history within this family that we’ve only just been introduced to. They aren’t robots, I want them to feel real before we’ve even met them.
INT/EXT is just shorthand for interior/exterior. If we move locations or place, we have to be specific about where we’re at.
The conversation with the mother and father about what the planet is and who they are could’ve been handled smoother, but I wanted to get some exposition and some hints for the audience about what’s to come later in the story.
“The hravis are eviscerated, flesh and bone sprinkle the sand.” I love this line, I imagine this would make an awesome shot or panel in a comic.
This rollover crash for the carriage is the EXACT SAME as the crash at the beginning of Mad Max: Fury Road.
This bandit dude with the scar is not to be messed with. Scars are scary, and also memorable. Maybe we’ll see him again…
Brutal first kills.
“A powdery red substance.” SPACE DRUGS!
I don’t remember where I got the idea for this whip sword. I feel like I had seen it in something else, but my professor really dug this weapon. He thought it was cool. Whips are badass anyways, my D&D character Didi has one. Shout out to Didi and The Thots.
“Entertainment tonight.” Yeughh.
Looking back, this opening scene isn’t as tight as I remembered it being. Which girl survived? Where’s she walking to now? A little more detail or explanation would’ve helped I think.
“Thunderous footsteps.” This is cool, but why didn’t I mention the spurs he’s obviously wearing? He’s in a space western!
“Frightened and covered in blood that isn’t her’s.” “TITLE CARD.” I think I nailed that cut to black at the end.
I’m sure one of you has probably figured it out already, but the title The Wretched comes from the Nine Inch Nails song of the same name. I imagine it’d be the song in the trailer too.
Moving on 20 years later, we’re introduced to an entirely new planet Paluant. It could be just another cyberpunk world, but it’s heavily influenced by Coruscant from Star Wars. Big Star Wars influences in this screenplay, and also in my life. Have you read Pistons Firing yet? There’s even a Federation in this galaxy.
Aglaos, Devos, Paluant; there’s no secret to how to make good sci-fi names for things, I just throw syllables together until something sounds cool. I maybe think of a real-world language or culture I want to borrow from too.
The flickering neon light outside this bar is an exact shot from the beginning of Akira. I had just seen it for the first time that summer.
Tuesday I’ll be back with our main protagonist, Oliver, in Deltri’s Bar.
::RC
I really enjoyed reading this, and look forward to the coming pages. I can certainly see the influence of Star Wars. I know you mentioned The Searchers, but perhaps there were some other space westerns or space operas that helped your thought process? I loved the movie, The Fifth Element. Not sure why I thought of it while reading this, but I did. Maybe just for the space opera parallel. It’s been a while since I have seen The Fifth Element. I wonder if it hold up against time? Anyway, nice work!